The Bureau of Religious Sacrifice

A short scene

Morris had been standing in line for four hours, he never would’ve guessed getting a human sacrifice was such a hassle.

The Bureau for Religious Sacrifice was known for being the slowest in the whole Department. This was mostly due to the habit of sacrificing their best workers to a variety of gods in the hope of acquiring their favour so they would bless them by speeding up the process. This had proven to be counterproductive.

“Religion?” The woman behind the counter asked.


“What religion are you, exactly?”

“Avanoga. We’re a cult, actually. Level-1 licensed.”

“Hmm, I don’t see you on the list. Did you register beforehand?”

“No, we’re still working out the specifics of our practices.”

“Did you get the flyer?”

“The flyer?”

“The flyer.”

“Which flyer?”

“The one about starting a cult.”

“Ooh, I don’t think so.”

“Hrmm. I’ll get you one. So, what will it be? Human or animal.”

“Human, please.”

“Alright, male or female?”

“Female. A virgin.”

“We’re all out of virgins. This is a busy time of year, y’know. You really should think about registering early next time.”

“Erm. How about just a young girl, then?”

“Any prefered ethnicity?”

“It doesn’t really matter, they just have to be heathens.”

“Wow, wow, wow,” the woman looked up at him for the first time and shot him an angry look, “you’re not planning on commiting a hate crime, are you?”

“What? No, I–”

“Killing people based on their religion is a hate crime now. You do know that don’t you?”

“It just can’t be someone from the cult. I–it has to be someone else.”

“Very well. What’s the purpose of this sacrifice?”

“Just to appease the gods.”

“How often would you need to appease the gods?”

“For every 200 people once every winter and summer.”

“How many are there in your cult right now?”


“How many men and women?”

“All men.”

“You do realise you have to have at least a 40/60 gender divide once you exceed ten members, right? Except of course if you get a special permit.”

“No, I didn’t know.”

“It’s all in the flyer.”

“What flyer?”

“The one about starting a cult.”

“I didn’t get the flyer.”

“Ooh, right. I’ll get you a flyer.”