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Cold Open
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Jerry and George are sitting on the couch, discussing something. The door opens and Elaine enters.
ELAINE
Hey guys!
JERRY
Hey Elaine. What's up?
ELAINE
I have to tell you about this weird thing that happened at work today. Some guy used reverse psychology on me to get me to do what he wanted and I didn't even realize it.
GEORGE
(surprised)
Reverse psychology? What's that?
ELAINE
You know, when you make someone think the opposite of what you really want, and they end up doing what you want anyway.
GEORGE
(thinking)
That's brilliant. I have to try that.
ELAINE
(curious)
What are you thinking of trying it on?
GEORGE
(excited)
There's this girl I've been trying to impress. I'll pretend I'm not interested in her and see if it makes her interested in me.
Jerry raises an eyebrow.
JERRY
Good luck with that, George.
GEORGE
(confident)
I got this, Jerry. See you later!
George hurries out of the apartment, leaving Jerry and Elaine shaking their heads.
ELAINE
(to Jerry)
Do you think that'll work?
JERRY
(dubious)
With George? Doubtful.
The scene ends with Elaine and Jerry continuing their conversation.
Act I
Fade in:
INT. MONK'S CAFÉ - DAY
Jerry and Kramer are having coffee at the usual booth.
JERRY
(frustrated)
I'm so tired of you borrowing my clothes all the time, Kramer.
KRAMER
(defensive)
What's the big deal? It's just a shirt.
JERRY
(sarcastic)
Yeah, and a jacket, and my shoes, and my hat...the list goes on.
KRAMER
(laughing)
Come on, Jerry. Lighten up.
Jerry has an idea and smiles.
JERRY
(smiling)
You know what, Kramer? You're welcome to take anything you want.
KRAMER
(surprised)
Really?
JERRY
(determined)
Yep. I'm using reverse psychology. You'll take so much, you'll eventually get sick of it.
KRAMER
(excited)
Alright! I'll take that offer.
Jerry thinks he's won, but he doesn't know what he's in for. Cut to:
INT. GEORGE'S OFFICE - DAY
George is on the phone, trying to impress a girl he met.
GEORGE
(uninterested)
Oh, I'm not interested in that concert. You should go without me.
GIRL ON PHONE
(confused)
Really? I thought you liked that band.
GEORGE
(still uninterested)
Nah, I'd rather just stay home.
The girl hangs up, confused by George's behavior.
GEORGE
(realizing his mistake)
Why did I just do that?
Fade out.
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Jerry comes home to find Kramer wearing all of his clothes.
JERRY
(shocked)
What the...Kramer!
KRAMER
(proud)
I took your offer, Jerry.
Jerry realizes his plan has backfired.
JERRY
(resigned)
I should have known better than to mess with you, Kramer.
Kramer exits with a smug grin on his face.
Act II
INT. MONK'S CAFÉ
Jerry and George are at the café discussing Kramer's new-found confidence in taking Jerry's clothes.
JERRY
(laughing)
I can't believe it. I thought the reverse psychology would make him feel guilty, not like a free-for-all.
GEORGE
(sighs)
It's not all fun and games. My reverse psychology on that girl has backfired big time.
Jerry and George then see Kramer walking in, wearing one of Jerry's favorite jackets.
JERRY
(in disbelief)
Kramer, what are you wearing?
KRAMER
(smiling)
Your jacket, Jerry. I figured if you wanted me to have it, you would have said something.
Jerry is getting frustrated but continues with the ruse.
JERRY
(rolling his eyes)
Fine, take whatever you want.
Kramer nods, smiling, and walks out. George turns to Jerry, worried.
GEORGE
(whispering)
I think we've created a monster.
Jerry nods, agreeing, as the scene ends. Cut to:
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Jerry enters his apartment and sees that his closet is empty, with only a few hangers left on the rod. He turns to Kramer, who is wearing multiple layers of his clothes.
JERRY
(exasperated)
Kramer, what happened to my clothes?
KRAMER
(nonchalant)
Oh, I took your offer, Jerry. You said I could have anything I want.
JERRY
(realizing his mistake)
I meant one thing at a time, not everything!
KRAMER
(defiant)
Well, I’m not giving them back now. They’re comfortable, and I look great in them.
Jerry tries to reason with Kramer, but Kramer is stubborn and refuses to give up the clothes. Jerry is left with no choice but to go out and buy new clothes. As he leaves, Kramer continues to lounge around in Jerry’s clothes, looking content. Cut to:
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
George is sitting across from a woman, LUCY. He is trying to appear disinterested in her.
GEORGE
(trying to act uninterested)
So, what do you do for a living?
LUCY
(laughing)
I’m a nurse. What about you?
GEORGE
(shrugging)
Oh, just a simple salesman. Nothing too exciting.
LUCY
(looks confused)
Well, I think being a salesman can be pretty exciting.
GEORGE
(nonchalant)
Nah, it’s just a job.
LUCY
(looks more confused)
Okay… well, what do you like to do in your free time?
GEORGE
(shrugging)
Not much. I just like to relax and take it easy.
LUCY
(looking frustrated)
That’s all you have to say?
GEORGE
(trying to play it cool)
Yeah, pretty much.
LUCY
(sighs)
Well, I think I’m going to go. This is just too weird.
GEORGE
(trying to sound disinterested)
Alright, see you later.
Lucy gets up and leaves, leaving George looking defeated. He realizes that his plan to impress her by acting uninterested has backfired and only driven her away.
Act III
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Jerry and Kramer are in a heated argument.
JERRY
(frustrated)
Kramer, I need my clothes back!
KRAMER
(defiant)
No way, Jerry. You said I could have anything I wanted!
Jerry throws his arms up in frustration.
CUT TO:
INT. MONK'S CAFÉ - DAY
Jerry and Kramer are sitting at a booth, still arguing.
KRAMER
(taunting)
You don't want me to be cold, do you, Jerry?
JERRY
(sarcastic)
Oh no, I wouldn't want that. I just want my clothes back!
KRAMER
(grinning)
Tough luck, buddy.
CUT TO:
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Jerry and Kramer are in the hallway, still arguing.
JERRY
(shouting)
This is insane! I need those clothes back!
KRAMER
(smiling)
Nope. I'm good, Jerry.
Jerry throws his arms up in frustration again.
CUT TO:
INT. MONK'S CAFÉ - DAY
Jerry and Kramer are once again sitting at a booth, still arguing.
JERRY
(exasperated)
I don't know how I'm going to get out of this one, Kramer!
KRAMER
(chuckling)
Well, that's the price you pay for trying to play me, Jerry.
The montage ends with Jerry and Kramer still at a stalemate, with Jerry trying to find a way to reclaim his clothes and Kramer unwilling to give them up.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
George is sitting across from the girl he's trying to impress.
GEORGE
(awkwardly)
So, I was just thinking...we should maybe go see a movie or something.
GIRL
(surprised)
Really? I thought you weren't interested in me.
GEORGE
(stammering)
No, I mean...yes, I am. I just...
The girl rolls her eyes.
GIRL
You know what, George? I think I was wrong about you. You're not mysterious or intriguing, you're just confusing.
George tries to explain, but the girl has already grabbed her things and is walking out of the coffee shop. George hangs his head, defeated. Cut to:
INT. MONK'S CAFE - DAY
Jerry and Kramer are sitting at a booth in the coffee shop.
JERRY
(frustrated)
I can't take it anymore, Kramer. You're wearing all of my clothes and I have nothing left to wear.
KRAMER
(laughing)
I had no idea that's what you were trying to do, Jerry. You're so predictable.
George walks in, looking downcast.
JERRY
(noticing George)
What's wrong, George?
GEORGE
(sighing)
I tried to use reverse psychology on a girl I like and it backfired. She's not interested in me anymore.
KRAMER
(laughing)
It looks like none of us are having any luck with reverse psychology.
JERRY
(laughing)
I guess we should stick to just being ourselves from now on.
The trio share a laugh as the camera pans out to show the busy coffee shop.
FADE TO BLACK.
Act IV
INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY
Jerry is going through his closet, examining each piece of clothing.
JERRY
(sighs)
What a mess.
Kramer enters, looking sheepish.
KRAMER
(awkwardly)
Uh, Jerry...about your clothes...
JERRY
(exasperated)
What about them, Kramer?
KRAMER
(holding out a shirt)
Well, I may have...accidentally...ripped this one.
Jerry takes the shirt from Kramer and looks at the tear down the front.
JERRY
(disbelieving)
Accidentally?
KRAMER
(defensive)
Hey, these clothes are old. They were bound to tear eventually.
Jerry goes through the rest of his clothes, finding several more holes and tears.
JERRY
(sighs)
Thanks, Kramer. Thanks a lot.
KRAMER
(sadly)
I'm sorry, Jerry. I really am.
Jerry shakes his head and goes back to examining his clothes.
JERRY
(muttering)
I should have known better than to let you borrow my clothes.
Kramer slinks out of the apartment, looking guilty.
JERRY
(to himself)
Next time, I'm going to keep a closer eye on my wardrobe.
Jerry sets the clothes down, still looking unhappy, and goes to make a cup of coffee.
INT. MONK'S CAFÉ - DAY
Jerry and Kramer are sitting at their usual booth, drinking coffee.
JERRY:
Well, that was quite the adventure.
KRAMER
(laughing)
I know, right? I never thought I’d end up wearing all of your clothes.
JERRY
(smiling)
I guess my plan backfired.
KRAMER
(smiling)
Yeah, but it was worth it. I got to experience life as Jerry Seinfeld for a day.
Jerry and Kramer share a laugh.
CUT TO:
INT. GEORGE'S OFFICE - DAY
George is sitting at his desk, looking dejected.
ELAINE
(entering)
Hey, George. How’s it going?
GEORGE
(sighs)
Not great. My plan to use reverse psychology on that girl was a complete disaster.
ELAINE
(sympathetically)
What happened?
GEORGE
(sighs)
I tried to act uninterested, but I think I just confused her. She stopped returning my calls.
ELAINE
(laughing)
Well, that’s what you get for trying to be sneaky, George.
GEORGE
(sighs)
I know. I should have just been myself.
ELAINE
(smiling)
Yeah, that’s usually the best way to be.
George nods, looking reflective. Suddenly, his expression changes as a realization dawns on him.
GEORGE
(angrily)
Wait a minute! You were the one who told me about reverse psychology in the first place!
ELAINE
(surprised)
What? No, I didn’t!
GEORGE
(pointing an accusing finger)
Yes, you did! You planted the idea in my head and now look at the mess I’ve gotten into!
ELAINE
(defensive)
I did not! I was just making conversation!
GEORGE
(shouting)
You’re always causing trouble, Elaine! First, you got me into this mess, and now you’re trying to deny it!
ELAINE
(exasperated)
I’m not denying anything! You’re the one who’s acting crazy!
GEORGE
(shouting)
I’m not acting crazy! You are!
The two continue to argue, their voices rising.